I think being stuck here since learning that she had passed away, without knowing when I could get home, was making things much worse.
Since I’ve booked my flight, I’ve been able to eat. I even got 3.5 hours of sleep last night.
I’m so looking forward to being home and with good friends.
I was finally able to eat. A bowl of white rice. Now to get more than 3 hours of sleep uninterrupted.
This past week has been one of the worst weeks of my life. Things seem to keep getting worse and I’m not sure if I can handle any more bad news.
Last night I seriously considered throwing myself from the 23rd story of a building. My friends were smart and wouldn’t go to bed before I came inside. It seems this week these thoughts have been the worst they’ve ever been for me, despite everything that I and others have been doing to try to make it better.
I’m trying to force myself to eat, but it hurts. For a brief moment tonight I was able to eat, but moments later I remembered that she’s dead, and the shaking started again.
I need to go home.
No sleep yet. I suppose I should force myself to lay down.
I can’t sleep. I can’t stop shaking. I don’t know what to do.